Meta
by Apoc326
Summary: A companion to "Your Guardian Soul" and "Nine to Life". The characters offer their opinions on their events from those two stories in a very candid, and violent, fashion.
1. It Starts

**I don't own Soul Eater... just my house.**

**So yeah, a random idea that I had while I was thinking on where I should take the "your Guardian Soul" sequel because I wasn't planning on it being popular AT ALL.**

**Warning: this_ IS_ meta and therefore a Mary-Sue, technically. It's just the characters' takes on YGS and the sequel.  
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><p><strong>Meta<strong>

**Chapter 1: It Starts**

Soul sat in the armchair watching an old rerun of _Deadliest Warrior_ on TV. Maka was sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest with her laptop balanced in the tops of her legs.

_Spartan. Definitely going to be the Spartan that wins._ Soul decided as the episode was nearing the climactic battle between the ninja and the Spartan.

Maka inhaled slightly, as if surprised by something. Soul inwardly sighed. Ever since Maka had discovered online novels, she had been inseparable form her laptop, except while at school and on missions.

_This is getting good! I _thought _that the glass dust would get diverted by the helmet_. Soul observed smugly as the ninja threw a hollowed-out egg filled with powdered glass at the Spartan's helmet in an attempt to blind him.

Just before the Spartan delivered the killing blow, a loud "Ehh!" erupted from his meister, making him look over and miss the victorious Spartan standing over his fallen ninja foe. He turned back to the TV silently cursing at missing the finish.

"What's wrong Maka." Soul asked, bored. When he got no reply, he looked back over to his meister, who was now the color of a tomato. "Maka?"

Maka started, remembering she wasn't alone and that someone was calling her name. "What?" she asked.

"I asked you what's wrong."

Maka blushed again, staring at her weapon for a moment, "Uh... nothing. Don't worry about it."

Soul arched an eyebrow at his flustered meister, curious about her reaction. "Uh huh. So, what's for dinner. It's your turn to cook."

"I was thinking burgers. It's so hot out that I don't want to use the oven."

"Sounds good to me." Soul said, licking his laps at the idea of burgers for dinner.

"I'll go get the meat out to thaw." Maka said, closing her laptop, setting it on the couch and walking into the kitchen. After a moment and some rummaging in the freezer: "Soul? Where are the patties I bought last week?"

Soul thought for a second. "Oh yeah... last time Black Star and Kid were over, we decided to mess with Black Star. He said he could eat anything, because he was so great. We got him to try and eat the frozen patties to prove he had the jaw strength and intestinal fortitude to handle raw meat." His tone was nonchalant as he recounted the tale, chuckling a bit at the end.

Maka just stared at the back of soul's head. "So _that's_ why he was in the infirmary all Monday." Then realization set in. "Soul you ass! Now I have to go outside in one hundred plus degree heat to get more burgers!"

Soul turned around. "Sorry Maka. But it was funny to see him gnaw on those frozen burgers. I swear he chipped a tooth."

Maka was furious. First, what she had read unnerved her, now her partner was more concerned with knocking Black star down a peg than having her go out into that insane heat.

"Damn it Soul! I'm going to the store!" The door slammed behind her.

Soul shrugged his shoulders at the closed door and turned around, rewinding the show back to the battle he'd missed. _Gotta love DVRs._

After finishing the battle, Soul looked over at Maka's closed laptop. "Wonder what got her so freaked out." He reached over, opened it up and was unsurprised to find the operating system locked. The hint was simple "A strong blank dwells within a sound mind and a sound body"

Soul thought for a second. "Too easy. S-O-U-L."

The operating system welcomed him back and he found the web browser open. It looked like a novel or short story, ill-formatted to the wide screen, white text on a dark grey background. He scrolled to the top, not reading anything.

"The hell is ''?" he asked the empty room.

The story was titled "Your Guardian Soul". For the next fifteen minutes Soul read with growing anxiety, fear and rage.

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><p>*ping*<p>

"Hm? What's this?" Stein said, surprised that he got an email from Soul Evans on a Sunday afternoon. "A link?" He clicked it.

Ten minutes later, he finished the story and stared numbly at the screen. Then an evil smile crossed his face.

"Medusa?"

The nurse and witch in question stuck her head inside Stein's lab. "Yes, dear?" Her sing-song tone lightened his mood slightly.

"Take a look at this."

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><p>*ping*<p>

"Oh, and email from Soul. If this is another link to an Escher drawing, I'm going to kill him." Kid sat in his perfectly symmetrical room, moments before expanding his knowledge of symmetrical locations he might visit this summer.

After a few minutes Kid sat back, more than a little discomforted by what he'd just read. He forwarded the link to Liz and Patty. Kid thought for a minute and forwarded the email to Black Star as well.

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><p>*ping*<p>

*ping*

*ping*

"All right, all right! I'm coming!" Black Star yelled at his chiming computer, getting up from his bed, skyclad [1]. He moved the mouse, brining it out of hibernation and entered the password, one only a man as big as him could know: B-L-A-C-K-*-S-T-A-R.

"Three emails. From Soul, Stein and Kid. Wonder what it is." He was curious now, his loud nature stifled momentarily.

"What's going on, Black Star?" Tsubaki asked as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, similarly dressed.

"Got the same email form a few people." He clicked the link.

A short while later, Black Star stood over his destroyed computer and Tsubaki sat on the bed, blushing an unhealthy shade of red.

"I. Will. Kill. This. Person." Black Star raged through gritted teeth.

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><p>The found the place that Stein had pointed them towards without any issue. The house was on the very end of a cul-de-sac, completely innocent-looking. It was a one-story house that was painted a light grey. No cars were in the driveway, but Stein assured them that the person they were looking for was indeed home.<p>

Four weapons and three meisters stood on the street, eyeing the house with varying degrees of hatred.

Black Star slammed a fisted hand into the palm of his other hand. "Let's do this."

Despite Black Star's initial plan to jump through the bay window at the front of the house, Kid convinced them to let him pick the lock of the front door, so as not to alert their prey.

The front door swung open slowly, revealing a modest dining room. Ahead of them was a kitchen and living room. To their left was a hallway with four doors, two on the left and two on the right, a closet sat at the end of the hall.

"So, where do we go now?" Maka asked, nervousness replacing the righteous fury she had felt before they added "Breaking and Entering" to their list of activities that day.

However, the question was answered once everyone had shuffled in to the dining room. From down the hallway, music was coming, rather loudly, from the second room on the right. The music was disturbingly familiar to Soul and Maka.

They crept silently, as silently as possible for seven people in a residential home anyways, towards the open door. They passed a bedroom and a bathroom on their left and right respectively.

Soul and Maka peered around the door jamb and saw a man sitting in front of a computer, sitting on... a silver balance ball of all things. His hair was short and brown, resembling a crew cut that had grown slightly. His pants were black and he wore a brown, tan and white striped polo shirt. He wasn't physically intimidating, not unless muscles hid beneath his bulk.

The song ended in a strangled-sounding cacophony of electric guitars. A few seconds later the next track began: it was heralded in with an acoustic guitar and a cello. Realizing what song it was, Maka reeled back, bumping into Soul. The shifting weight caused the floor to creak.

The man spun around and found himself facing a platinum blonde girl wearing a long black coat and a young man with snow white hair in a yellow and red sweatshirt.

He gaped at the pair as they gaped back. This was their transgressor? The horrific pervert who had written that slander? Well, not _exactly_ slander. He hardly looked as though he had it in him.

"So..." The man said, as if greeting old friends. His face was warm, friendly even, a smile plastered on his bespectacled face. His voice was deeper than most, but no malice was carried in the tone. "Did I finally snap or-"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Black Star screamed as he bounded over a confused Soul and Maka.

"Black Star!" Tsubaki cried after him.

"YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT!" Black Star screamed as he lunged at the man with an outstretched fist.

The man's eyes widened in shock for a second. Then, using the ball, he simply rolled it to the side, landing on the floor on his side. Black Star charged through were the man had been, missing his face by mere millimeters. The computer monitor and cooling tower took the hit in the man's stead. Liquid coolant ran to the power strip on the desk and electrocuted Black Star into unconsciousness.

Hearing a click like the sound of a pistol's slide releasing, the man looked up. Standing over him was Death the Kid with Liz and Patty pointed directly at his face, held upside down. Kid's face was that of barely controlled rage.

"You are scum. You made Patty have more lines than Liz! Don't you have any respect for symmetry? And this room! How can you work with clothing piled up, and asymmetrically at that! You're unforgivable!"

"Uh... um... I'm fix it in the sequel... after I clean my room?" The man groped for a way to calm Kid down, settling on a trick he hoped would work.

Instantly, Kid relaxed. "Good. Just don't let it happen again. And try to focus on symmetry as well." Kid's recommendation carried a hint of a threat that would be made good on if the man didn't make an effort. "Now, I'll be going outside. I can't stand this room. Tsubaki, you may want to bring Black Star out of here, I think Maka and Soul have something to 'discuss' with this man in private."

"Right." Tusbaki said as she picked Black Star up. "Sorry about this... uh..."

"Andrew. My name is, or soon to be was, Andrew."

"Sorry about the trouble Andrew." Tsubaki bowed slightly and left, having little reason to be mad at the man.

Kid closed the door leaving Maka and Soul alone with Andrew, who looked terrified. He glanced around the room, thankful he had left his large reference books and textbooks at school.

Maka stood fists clenched an head lowered, slightly shaking with rage. With the right eyes, you could almost see a black aura around her.

"You..." her voiced quaked in absolute rage. "You made me pregnant!" she creamed, using "Magically Induced Illnesses 33rd Edition, New and Improved" to nearly cave in his skull. Medusa had lent the weighty volume to Maka in exchange for a detailed account of what happened. She was still and evil woman at heart from time to time.

The man blacked out under the assault.

Andrew awoke a few minutes later, laying on his bed, Soul and Maka occupying a fold-out chair and his balance ball respectively. He sat up and glanced between the two of them; heavy silence filled the room as the computer had since overheated and shut down.

"So, how are you two planning on killing me?" Andrew asked, resigned to his fate.

Soul's right arm turned into a scythe. "Well, we were thinking of making you disappear, but Lord Death wouldn't like that much." Maka explained as Soul absently admired the blade on his arm.

"That and killing someone who hasn't eaten the soul of an innocent wouldn't be too cool."

"So instead we're here to warn you that playing with people's hearts is really low." Maka continued.

"And you better do the sequel right, or we'll be back." Soul turned towards the man, flashing his pointed teeth at him.

"I wasn't planning on there being annoying drama or anything like that..." Andrew said defensively. "It's a fluff piece, soaked in sex and dealing with the problems that will come from a pregnancy. That's all. I'm not a monster."

Having a failure of a ninja destroy your computer, the sometimes unstable son of Death himself point twin pistols in your face and then being threatened with dismemberment is a bit too much for most people, Maka realized. Sensing the same thing, Soul returned his arm to its normal state.

They stood. "We'll be checking in from time to time. Just do it right." Maka said, blushing slightly as she walked towards the door.

"Do a bad job and we'll see how uncool I'll let myself be." Soul added as he glanced over his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around Maka's waist as they walked out.

_I wonder. Did reading my story make them realize... nah. Not gonna go there._

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><p>A week later, a pleasant surprise came in the mail. A letter from Kid contained a check. "Compensation for the computer." was the simple note accompanying it. The letter was typed and unsigned, likely because a handwritten note and signature would have taken months.<p>

_Time to get cracking I guess... Once I buy a new computer. Damned Black Star..._

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><p><strong>[1] "Skyclad" regardless of its Wicca origin, generally refers to being "clad in nothing but the sky". If you have to ask what that means, you're clearly not old enough nor good at picking up hints.<strong>

**Author's Note: So yeah,** **That** _**is**_** indeed my house I described as well as myself. I honestly felt _dirty_ putting my own name next to the actual characters, because I have a deep dislike of Mary-Sues, but this _is_ a meta work, and its hard to do that if you don't include yourself. *sigh***

**This "story" will indeed update along with the sequel. Also, because _I_ had a hard time wrapping my head around it and I _wrote_ the damned thing, the characters that interact in _this_ story are _not_ the characters in YGS and it's yet-to-be-named sequel. They are merely readers like yourself, who happen to be the characters portrayed in the stories. Yeah, its insane, I know, I wrote it. Nothing that happens in this story will be canon, (sad choice of word, really) in YGS or its sequel.  
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**Thanks for reading, now please review.**


	2. The Crying Game

**I still don't own Soul Eater and I still own my house.**

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><p><em><strong>Meta<strong>_

**Chapter 2: "The Crying Game"**

The floor creaked again.

Andrew turned slowly from his newly rebuilt computer, seeing both Soul and Maka standing in the doorway of his room.

"Please tell me that I'm not about to die." he said, looking at the two in mild resignation.

"Nah." Soul said, arm on Maka's shoulders. He looked at his meister, who's expression was one of determination. "Well... I'm not at least." He added with his trademark grin.

Andrew immediately looked at Maka's hands, no heavy books or implements of a Maka Chop were visible, but that didn't mean much. Hammer Space, or Book Space more appropriately, seemed to exist for Maka.

"So, I'm 'stuck up' and 'proper', am I?" Her tone carried a promise of violence.

Andrew swallowed hard. "Well... look at the evidence. You're a model student, you even turned down the option to graduate early so you could study[1]. You know why, and it wasn't only to see your friends."

Maka deflated a bit, but remained righteous. "That doesn't mean-"

"And look at how you reacted when Blair gave you the panty and bra set that she bought using the money your father had given her to buy you a gift. 'What kind of girl does he think I _am_?' were your words, right?"

A deep shade of red blossomed over Maka's face as she looked away. "It still hurts." She pouted. "How'd you feel if I called you fat?"

"I call myself fat freely. But that's neither here nor there." Andrew gestured to the bed and chair in his room. "Have a seat, I don't want to add 'terrible host' to my list of offenses."

"Hold on, you said that Blair screwed that up?" Maka said, confused.

"Yep. Spirit told her to buy you a book that you'd enjoy. Because you kept him at such a distance he had no idea what you'd like. She bought the lingere for herself and then remembered the gift was supposed to be for you. She shrunk it down for you."

Maka clenched a fist. "I will _kill_ that cat!"

"Ok, calm down, please, Maka. Just have a seat..."

Oblivious to the conversation, Soul looked at the bed, hands jammed into his pockets, and sniffed derisively. He decided that it _looked_ like a safe seat, but with this obvious pervert, you couldn't tell. Well, the bed didn't try and kill him when he sat on it, that was a plus. Maka sat in the only other chair in the room, Andrew still sat on that strange balance ball.

"I'm surprised that's you're only complaint, honestly." Andrew said, somewhat bemused. "You know, given everything _else_ that happened in the first chapter..." He trailed off with the kind of smile that one wears when expecting a train to crash into the room with them in it.

The weapon and meister duo blushed crimson at that.

"Did you have to make me so... uncool?" Soul moaned like a child who wanted the green toy, but got the red one instead.

"You literally bared your soul, gave a part of yourself to Maka, received a part of her and reaffirmed your love for her. It's _real_ hard to be smug or snarky or even _cool_ after that." Andrew's tone was deadpan, as if unbelieving that he had to explain it.

Maka had nearly begun to _glow_ pink as Andrew explained it so simply. It vanished as soon as she realized something.

"Wait... I thought that they er, we... uh... I?" She ran into a wall of nouns.

"Go with the first person. It's easier that way." Andrew suggested sympathetically, as if he'd struggled with that too.

"Right, but I thought that we were trying to have a baby? You didn't mention that just now." She grew more embarrassed as she asked the question.

"Remember the post script at the end of 'Your guardian Soul'? 'P.S. She's pregnant'? It's totally possible to get pregnant the first time, if it's the right time of the month." He looked a little embarrassed. "Also, I hadn't intended for more sex the next morning, that's just how it came out. I understand that a pregnancy could take a few days to actually take... But I wouldn't know for certain and research would have been done... but it never came to that."

"Huh." Was Soul's response. Not a question, just a huff of realization. "I wondered about that."

"The dream sequence was ok." Maka said after a lengthy pause. "I didn't really like thinking of the effects of childbirth though." She added somewhat grumpily.

"How does that even work? Me knowing that our kid would be a girl and her eye and hair color?" Soul asked.

Andrew shrugged. "Who is John Galt?" He ventured. He cringed immediately once he saw that Maka had found his copy of _Atlas Shrugged_ and was striking her palm with it menacingly. "How can Maka enter your mind and dance with you? How can you play a madness-tune on the piano and have Kid and Black Star hear it? The Soul Resonance bit you two do is practically made of Phlebtonium; it's a blank check for author interpretation.

"Nothing has been evidenced showing that it _can't_ happen. Who knows what _would_ happen if two people in soul resonance were making passionate love and conceived a child? Depending on your belief system, the new zygote _has_ a soul and might be offering up a clue or two to its existence. Hell, the second, longer vision could have been the fetus reaffirming 'Hey, I'm here, stop trying already!'."

"But why would her eyes be blue? That doesn't make much sense with my green eyes and Soul's red eyes..."

Andrew eyed Maka. "You know, coming from someone that I could have _sworn_ was from an anime, that's kind of funny. Heredity has always been punched in the face by writers. The child of two parents with blonde hair being a brunette or red-head is incredibly wrong, because blonde hair is a recessive trait and it implicates the mother of fooling around. I could draw a Punnett Square, but that's a bit too nerdy, even for me.

"Besides, most Caucasian babies, and I say Caucasian because you two are as white as the driven snow with names supporting that fact, are born with blue eyes. Before the baby's first birthday, their eye color can change several times. The truth of the matter is that I don't know what color I want the child's eyes to be. Hell, I haven't even thought of a name yet."

"And the hair is just a combination of both of ours?" Soul asked.

"Something like that. Honestly, I'm not convinced you aren't albino, Soul. Red eyes, white hair..."

Soul's arm turned into a scythe blade.

"...or not." Andrew quickly corrected.

Trying to stave off bloodshed until this clearly calculating pervert had done something to really deserve it, Maka cleared her throat. She shrugged off the faint sensation that it was Professor Stein talking. "It was a bit weird though, the husband and wife thing." She blushed slightly, her mind clearly elsewhere.

"That and the fact that 'we' would jump at the chance to have a kid like that. It seems a bit farfetched to me." Soul added.

"Well, think about it. You two are practically married as it is. You live and work together, and have done so for years now. Adding to that, you work in dangerous, potentially fatal work conditions. You pull _together_ when you're stressed, rather than flying apart like most couples would in those situations. You trust each other explicitly.

"Soul, you've even put your life, and body, on the line for your meister. Not just once, either. Maka has done the same for you, and not from the same sense of duty that you have to your meister either. If you think about it, all of the major ear-markers for 'couple' are present in spades with extra credentials for good measure.

"In that sense, you guys are actually playing catch-up as far as time spent together. You've worked together for more than four or five years, right? Most couples that get married have done so by that time and likely had a kid or two. You guys aren't the type to get stuck in a loveless marriage that dies within five years."

"And my Momma and Poppa had me when they were just eighteen." Maka said, looking at Soul and placing a hand on his shoulder. What the gesture meant, Andrew could only guess at.

"Speaking of them, they won't take that kind of news too well." Soul said, switching gears.

Maka looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Spirirt and Kami had you when they were our age. They raised you to be a cool girl and a cool partner, but they didn't last." Soul explained.

Maka looked like she might cry.

Soul recovered quickly after losing composure for a moment, seeing his meister on the verge of tears. "But I'm not like your dad. I wouldn't cheat on you. That wouldn't be cool. I told you that when we killed Blair the first time."

Maka looked relieved beyond words.

"The first time?" Andrew was genuinely confused.

Soul started, like he had said something he shouldn't have. "Y-Yeah. Long story, but she brought three guys back to the apartment one night."

"At the same time?"

"Yeah... we didn't sleep and we had an exam the next morning. No sleep and no fun made us a bit touchy. Not my coolest moment."

"She still has six lives." Maka ventured, trying to redeem themselves a bit.

"Just remember, I only have one life, please." Andrew seemed a bit shaken.

"We know." They said in unison, capitalizing on unnerving the writer.

Soul stretched his arms above his head. "Well, we better get going. It wouldn't be too cool to keep you from writing the second chapter."

The two stood and walked out the door, Maka in the lead. the girl waved as she walked out of the room.

"Tell Kid I say thanks for the new computer. My baby needed and overhaul." Andrew called after her.

"Will do. Don't do anything stupid to us now." She said in parting.

Soul followed her and glanced over his shoulder, smiling. "By the way, thanks for the tips. Worked real well." His voice was only loud enough for Andrew to hear.

"Which ones?"

"I'll give you a hint: the word is a yellow citrus fruit." And with a chuckle, he was gone.

Andrew waited for the front door to close before he let out his breath. "Great, now I'm providing sex advice to couples. Dr. Ruth, eat your heart out."

His computer chimed, signaling a new email's arrival. Andrew opened it, the sender had used a "burner" account. The email was a mish-mash of abrasive screaming caps and polite speech with perfect grammar. The last line and signature were what finally made him fall to the floor laughing:

"MAKE THE STORY ABOUT SOMEONE COOL, LIKE THE MAN WHO WILL SURPASS GOD!

Sincerely,

A Concerned Reader"

Once he sat up, Andrew re-read the email. Laughing, he filed the message under "Black Star and Tsubaki" in his email folders.

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><p><strong>[1] Ok, I saw this in someone's story a while ago, but for the life of me, I can't remember the author or story title. If anyone knows, please tell me so I can give credit where it's due. I don't know if this is canon, or if Soul does become a Death Scythe because I haven't caught up in the manga. But it <em>does<em> stand to reason that if a meister/weapon pair were to achieve the level of Death Scythe that they have all the practical knowledge needed and would be allowed to graduate early.**

**Author's Note: So, another lack-luster chapter in this lack-luster story. And "story" is abusing the word.**

**I decided that this isn't just my way of continuing to be experimenting with character personalities and amusement. I'm also going to use this as a platform for me to explain my reasoning for things that happen in the series. After all, they're just readers too and probably would have the same questions you do. Most of the explanations I made in here will likely find their way into "Nine to Life" in one form or another, but its good to get them out and at least thought about in a less formal environment.  
><strong>


	3. It's NEVER Normal in Death City

**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater**

_**Meta**_

__**Chapter 3: "It's NEVER Normal in Death City"**

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><p>"You know, in a just and loving world, this would be kidnapping." Andrew observed as he was escorted by two of the DWMA instructors into Kid's mansion. Each had a hand under his arms, fairly dragging him up to the house. His tone was deadpan, as if he was used to this kind of treatment.<p>

The door opened just before they reached it and revealed Death the Kid standing directly in the middle, Liz and Patty flanking him.

"Good to see you accepted my invitation." He said with a small smile.

Andrew stared at him, eyes partially lidded as if unbelieving. "This was an 'invitation'? I'd hate to see what a kidnapping looks like."

"Come on. Everyone else is waiting." Kid said, ignoring the comment.

The instructors dropped Andrew within the threshold and closed the perfectly oiled and balanced doors. He followed Kid to a spacious and unsurprisingly symmetrical living room. Everyone was there: Soul, Maka, Tsubaki, Black Star, Stein and even Medusa. They lounged on various couches and chairs, Stein sat in his wheeled office chair, leaning forward on the back support and Medusa sat cross-legged suspended off the floor by her snakes.

"So, my house is too small? I even cleaned the place expecting you guys."

"Your home is too... asymmetric." Kid put as gently as possible.

"Ok. Well, let's get the death threats over with." Resignation didn't do enough justice to his tone.

Surprisingly, silence greeted him for a few seconds.

"A sexy nurse outfit?" Medusa finally asked, her voice betrayed no emotion.

The writer gulped. He had _not_ wanted to piss off this particular witch. "Uh... yeah?" He ventured.

Medusa smirked. "I like it." Black Star cringed.

"A betting pool though." Soul spoke as if unbelieving. "What makes you think our friends would do that?"

"Punishment Basketball." Was Andrew's reply. "Maka was made to go on a date with her father after losing a game. I figured callous abuse of Spirit's emotions as well as making Maka uncomfortable could be twisted a bit into a betting pool. Besides, it's not like they were betting on a pregnancy. _That_ would have been going a bit far."

"At least the amount was symmetrical." Kid offered his opinion. "Both horizontally and vertically. And he gave Liz and Patty the same number or lines. Glad to see you remembered."

"Kinda hard to forget when the 'request' is made with twin pistols held _upside down_ in your face. Seriously, why the weirdest grip form in recorded history?"

Kid looked slightly taken aback. "W-well..."

"It's cool." Soul offered.

"Exactly." Kid agreed.

"If impractical." Andrew muttered. "So, next criticism/grounds for painful death?"

"Why do you think that I would threaten the students to keep quiet?" Stein asked, slowly turning his screw.

"A few reasons. You enjoy scaring the students. On the flip side of that coin, you genuinely care about them. Indulging both offers the best of both worlds, you scare the student body into a temporary silence with a very valid threat and buy Soul and Maka time to explain their relationship to Spirit on their terms. As for the specific threat to Black Star, you know that he's got a neurotic streak about seeing Medusa wearing your shirt, so you push a few buttons and make him go into a catatonic state. You traumatize the loudest mouth on campus silent and get a new idea for your time with Medusa."

Stein smiled. "Well, you thought that out. Points for being clinical. Ever thought about being a doctor?"

"Programmer. We have to be cold, calculating and logical when writing a program. It's not that hard to see your view of the world. A touch of madness helps no end, I'll say that much."

Stein smiled, as did Medusa. The others cringed slightly, recalling the Kishin's madness no doubt.

"I'm not going to go insane. Relax. The second undue madness works into way into the story, it'll be corrected. I've have proofers for a reason." Andrew said exasperatedly.

After a lengthy pause, Black Star harrumphed. "Why can't you make the story about me? I'm the man who's gonna surpass God after all."

"I've ignored your emails after a good laugh." Andrew said matter-of-factly. Black star fell out of his chair.

"What are you talking about?" He shouted. "I wouldn't send you emails or anything like that!"

"I'll admit, the burner accounts were a good idea, but I know how you talk, and the schizophrenic switch between your screaming caps and Tsubaki's polite, formal and perfect grammar was interesting." Tsubaki blushed slightly, as if embarrassed.

"Well, why won't you make it about me?" Black Star asked, indignant and embarrassed at being found out. "I'm gonna-"

"Surpass God. I know. You say it all the time. The thing is, I'm writing a story about Soul and Maka. Surpass God and we'll talk."

Black Star smiled triumphantly, belted out a "YAHOO!" and began to jump around.

"Just know that I define 'God' as omniscience, power over life and death and the capability to control the fate of all Creation. Lord Death is ahead of you on the second count and partially ahead of you on the first count. Focus on surpassing him first."

Black Star stopped dancing and sat down, still smiling. "We'll see about that."

"Thanks for trying to make me the voice of reason." Liz said.

"Someone has to be. No ghosts or monsters yet, so we'll see." Andrew said with a slight smile as Liz cringed.

"Ooh! Ghosties!" Patty said from her seat next to Liz and began to make ghost noises and a scary faces, further traumatizing her sister.

"How do you think my Papa and Mama will take the pregnancy?" Maka asked, slightly worried.

"You know Chernobyl?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah?" Maka answered nervously.

"That, but with scythes wielded by grizzly bears."

The color drained from Maka's face.

"Don't worry. It'll mostly be full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Spirit gave Soul his blessing, he just wasn't expecting _this_. But, who better to take care of his little Maka than Soul? I think Kami might take some convincing, but she'll see it that way too."

Maka calmed down and Soul smiled confidently. "That was pretty cool of you. You might not be so bad after all."

"I try."

"I have one question though." Kid stated. "I understand that I might know of the vision and it's causes, by what was the thing with my father at the end?"

"Comedy and forbearing. Comedy in how little help he would be to Sid with relationship advice and forbearing in that Lord Death would likely notice Maka's pregnancy and have fewer reasons to keep quiet to Spirit." Andrew noted the worried expression on both Kid and Maka's faces. "Not to say that he'll outright _tell_ Spirit, but he does know something of importance to his weapon and he might drop the vague hint that something was up. You know how he is, he knows a secret and he's going to have some fun with it. That's how his cute and cuddly persona is. But he also knows that telling Spirit would cause no small amount of trouble for Soul and Maka."

"Dude, you think about this way too much." Soul noted.

"I have a lot of free time." Andrew looked at Tsubaki who was quietly sitting next to Black Star. "You haven't chewed me out much. I hardly gave you any lines beyond happy gushing."

Surprised to be on the spot, Tsubaki flushed in embarrassment. "Well, I _would_ be happy for Soul and Maka..."

"Hey, as long as you don't want to gut me like a trout, I'm happy." Tsubaki merely smiled in response.

"So, can I leave with my body intact? I need to get back to planning out the rest of the story." Andrew shifted uneasily, having been standing the entire time.

"Well, there's no flights to Detroit or Lansing out of McCarran tonight." Kid informed him. "And my father lent our jet to a friend of his after you got here. You're welcome to stay with one of us or get a hotel room."

"So brought me to the Nevada desert, _in the summer_ with no ready means of getting me home? Thanks."

Kid looked a bit flustered.

"You could stay with us." Maka offered helpfully. Soul grinned in a sort of evil way at Andrew.

"N-no thanks. I know what Soul is thinking. I'd like to actually _sleep_ tonight."

Maka looked confused, Soul looked like a surprise party he planned had fallen apart.

"I think I'll take a hotel room. Good thing I brought my notebook and laptop..." Andrew walked form the room and left the house without another word. Those with sharper hearing might have heard him shout "Fuck its hot!" after the door closed, but that might have been their imaginations.

"What did he mean about sleeping? What _were_ you planning, Soul?" Liz asked suspiciously. Unseen, Stein and Medusa shared a devious glance.

"_Sex!_" Patty shouted next to her.

Maka smacked Soul with a thick, hardbound book she had been reading earlier. Another Stealth Maka Chop.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Ok, this is starting to feel ridiculous. Hardly anyone reads this story, and I feel like I'm shamelessly buffing my own ego rather than just explaining myself to readers of "Your Guardian Soul" and "Nine to Life". *sigh* This is supposed to be an informal companion to YGS and NtL, but I think that I'm failing at that miserably. Let me know, either way.<br>**

**Ah well, if you find this funny, and I'm fucking _trying_ to balance uninteresting with comedy, I hope you enjoyed it.**

**P.S. Yes, I am from southern Michigan.  
><strong>


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